church

Lately, either through suggestions from friends or my own internet wandering, I've stumbled upon a few blogs and sites w/beautiful written word and exuberant faith shared. Of course I'm not forward thinking enough to have, ya know... saved those links or anything. If I find them all again I will edit this post to include some links.

But that isn't the point... what has been a learning experience for me has been to read what has been on some owmen's hearts, their need to journal/blog about their faith and the familiarity of so much of what they write. I find myself thinking... is she Catholic too? More often than not, the naswer has been 'no'. But I'm (just being honest here) workingon allowing myself to remain open after I come to that discovery (that they aren't Catholic).

You see, I've lived a very beautiful, but somewhat narrow life. Growing up going to Catholic grade school for 7 years, and then attending college at a Catholic university, I didn't have a lot of people of other faiths in my life. In grade school, there was one baptist girl in my class (she attended there because her mom was our music teacher)...

In high school my horizons were opened when my parents moved us to a home in the country to begin life as public school students. There was so much that was unfamiliar about life in a public school (going from a class of 24 to a class of 104!) that in some ways I found myself clinging to the intimacy of youth group and religious education classes at my parish even stronger. While I did make many friends with non Catholics, the majority of my circle of friends (a beloved bunch of misfits) were not church goers in any way- "Chr-Easter Christians" at the very most (Christmas & Easter). So, in my daily life, faith sharing, evangelization, and ecumenism were not lived experiences.

In college, once again I had a sprinkling of non Catholic friends including my room mate and my would-be husband's best friend. They were never much in a position or perspective to be strongly evangelizing their other churches to me, seeing as how we lived an experience of our Catholic faith with witness from professors who were monks & nuns, consistent involvement in our campus ministry group, and an opinionated and vocal group of fellow Catholic friends who loved to gather at breakfast to debate moral theology over waffles.

Here I am now, 8 years (EIGHT YEARS?!?! WHAT???) out of college and with my theology degree in hand (or on wall) deeply immersed in a very Catholic adulthood. I've worked in parish & diocesan environments, my oldest daughter attends our parish school, our daycare provider is a fellow parishioner... I'm living my faith in a professional manner and husband and I are making our way through raising our 3 girls in the Church.

And through happy circumstances (making friends w/an amazing and diverse group of women who all had babies together and all returned to work after our respective maternity leaves- shout out to my beautiful NOV05WM!!- gaining a larger extended circle of friends and acquaintances, plus that beast Facebook brining me in contact w/so many high school friends, and let's not forget the good ol' internet and world of blogging) I've expanded my horizons socially & spiritually... or at least I'm trying to. The familiarity I've found in speaking with and reading the words of people of other backgrounds and faiths have brought to light a tremendous truth for me... we are all church. We are broken and divided and do not see eye to eye on a number of topics, but the Truth that lives in each of us, His Word living and serving on a daily basis is real. I won't be leaving the beautiful traditions and ritual that are so familiar and nourishing to me, but I do relish the opportunity to witness and admire the aspects of others' faith and how it grows in them.

Twister!

This movie was filmed in my husband's home town. Oklahoma is considered to be 'tornado alley' and we are 'famous' for our tornadoes. Unfortunately, the one we experienced yesterday has claimed at least 7 lives. Trust me, we have EXCELLENT reporting (and forewarning) when it comes to tornadoes in Oklahoma. For there to be numerous lives lost means SERIOUS weather... of course that is confirmed by the reports this morning of no fewer than 26 seperate tornadoes. Scary.

Now, here's where I start to sound like a fool... many of my non-Oklahoma friends know that we are famous for our tornadoes and make it a point to tell me how they don't know how they could possibly live here... tornadoes seem so scary. And, don't get me wrong, they are. But to me, it isn't any different than any other kind of impending threat that is based on your region. Sure, we get tornadoes, but coastal people get hurricanes or earthquakes. Some get ridiculous fires, others get monstrous snow storms (take into account that Oklahoma's great blizzard over Christmas 2009 resulted in about 12 inches of snow w/3 ft drifts. Some of my east coast friends would consider that to be a dusting)... we all get bad weather and other natural disasters, so instead of thinking that one is worse than another, I prefer to do my best to stay educated about what WE have and know how to keep my family safe. We do not have a basement or shelter at our house. I'm sure eventually we will prioritize that in our finances, but for the time being, our hall closet protects us well (with the girls wearing bicycle helmets) or, if it looks particularly ominous, our next door neighbors do have a shelter in their backyard.

So, please pray for our safety and when I hear about your wildfires or blizzards, I will pray for yours.

sewing...

Well, little number 3 got 'all washed up' this weekend, but leading up to it, I was itching to try a few tutorials that I've found online... the pictures are NOT great, and I didn't even get a picture of the baby in her matching outfit (after mass), but the main goal of this post is to link to some great tutorials that I recommend....

the girls skirt came from here

the rosette (which actually comes out MUCH smaller than the tutorial pictures would make you think, fyi) came from here

and little one's matching onesie/dress (not shown... I'll try to get a picture of her in it in the

next few days and update) was an interpretation (I didn't use elastic for the skirt, I just sewed a ruffle - one long running stitch set at highest tension and longest stitch, then pull the threads... next time the elastic may work better) from here

Happy sewing!

Surreal

Outside my office window it is sunny and in the 50s. Tomorrow we are anticipating a major ice storm. Meanwhile, not too far away...

our brothers and sisters are suffering. But I know that soon, some of my more closely located brothers and sisters will be without power or heat in below freezing temperature. So today, I do what I can to prepare so that my family will not have to suffer, but more importantly, I pray for those who are suffering, who will be suffering, who have suffered. I pray that our common Father in Heaven will reach His loving arms out to us, that we will know the power of His strength and love to get us through whatever hard times any of us are facing.

mildly disheartened

Just have to put this vent out to the world... need to let it sit out there and be my 'silent voice' as it were...

Fake people drive me crazy. As an introvert, I do a lot of sitting back and observing... and when you keep your eyes and ears open and mouth shut, there are plenty of opportunities to pick up on two-facedness, shmoozing, charlatan-like behavior. There is a person in my life who seems to personify this lately. A person whose role is supposed to be 180* in the opposite direction. I'm not sure what insecurities lie beneath to make someone choose the fake over the real, I go back and forth wondering if it even matters. To be a learned person, to be a public figure, to represent yourself as a holy person but at the same time to live a life of greed, arrogance, and belittling... is there really any excuse that makes up for that? Some more patient, more understanding than me may try to say this person is "only human", but the blatant inconsistencies between how a person "presents" him/herself to the greater community and how a person individually criticizes and makes others feel unwelcome is not acceptable.

Maybe this is generally the response of a mother wanting to protect her family, guard her cubs if it were. I'm not sure. What I do know is that I am proud of my beautiful family and grateful for God's blessing on us. There isn't much I can do about this person, other than pray I guess. Why doesn't that feel like enough?

Cruise Control...

I'm sure its obvious if anyone is even still checking my poor little blog here, but I'v ebeen on serious cruise control. Keeping the car between the lines was about all I could manage for the last 2 months... here is a short rundown...

~husband started school and another season of cross country (which means waking up at 5 am)
~oldest daughter started school only 3 days after a diagnosis with a double ear infection
~youngest daughter developed an ear infection shortly after that
~youngest daughter and husband were diagnosed with a strange virus that resulted in sheer exhaustion, fever and sores in their mouth that made it difficult to eat or swallow

~youngest daughter came down with bronchitis followed up by a nice round of thrush from her antibiotics

~oldest daughter got a stomach virus

~husband and I caught her stomach virus

~oldest daughter came down with bronchitis

~oldest daughter got another stomach virus

~I was diagnosed by my ob/gyn with a medium (fist-sized)fibroid growing off of the back of my uterus (on the outside) toward my spine which can cause some pretty uncomfortable back pain
~meanwhile youngest daughter has had 5 weeks straight of unexplainable diareah

Yeah. Needless to say my life has been hectic, messy, frustrating, expensive, and tiring. Oh and did I mention that in the middle of all of that our dryer and our heater stopped working? Fortunately for us, the fixes for those only totaled $40 (which is good b/c our savings is about drained)...

We racked up well over $200 worth of co-pays to the doctor not to mention I-don't-know-how-much extra we've spent on: prescriptions, otc meds, sprite, carpet cleaner (for the diareah and vomit), paper towels, disinfecting wipes, ramen, applesauce, gatorade, etc. I think once we add all of that up the toal comes to around $500. Yikes. That is kind of a lot when you think about it. I could have a new couch for $500 easily. I need a new couch, but I won't be getting one anytime soon.

But, for now, I am grateful. Yes, you heard me... GRATEFUL. Today, my family (for the most part) is healthy, my bills are paid, I have a job and a roof over my head. Oldest daughter is THRIVING at her school, youngest daughter's language skills are skyrocketing, husband finishes cross country season this weekend, and this weekend we celebrate oldest daughter's 4th birthday with not one, but two fabulous birthday parties (one for family and older friends, one for the girls in her class). We also happily celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, found out that this little peanut is going to be a girl (Lord help us! ha ha), and managed to go on 2 date nights within one week. Not too shabby. We are blessed.

So, Thank You Lord, for this:

And this:

And this:


And this:

And this:

Amen.

2 more to go

Oh my sakes.

When your world comes crashing down, it really crashes, doesn't it?

Last week on Thursday, looking forward to a nice 3 day weekend, husband and the girls and I went out to eat at Interurban. We were needing a nice relaxing, low energy kind of night, one without cooking or cleaning or rushing.

I'd spent the day indulging my new preggo belly in 'whatever sounds good' and thought I'd top it off w/their yummy fish tacos. Mistake number 1.

Did I mention it was 'free chips, salsa and queso- all you can eat' night? Mistake number 2.

When we got home, w/everyone's bellies full and bedtime still just a little way off, we all cozied up on the floor to watch Mary Poppins. Mistake number 3.

About midway through the movie I started to feel some rumbling in my tummy, so I got up off the floor, onto the recliner, and checked out for a bit. (Didn't go take my prilosec immediately, waited about an hour) Mistkae number 4.

(are you seeing a pattern here?)

Fast forward to midnight, clutching the toilet with all my might and wishing I was DEAD... sigh. I was short of breath (b/c it hurts to breathe when you think that your heart has grown fingernails and is attempting to claw its way out of your chest), dizzy, felt like my hands, feet & chin were going numb. I started to worry about stroked symptoms I had read on posters in doctors offices. Husband had been up with me for a while, seeing how truly brutal my stomach can be, and we decided it was time for a trip to the ER.

That was a less than positive experience, since my attending doctor was ready to send me home after 20 minutes. I had received a very special 'GI cocktail' that included lydicane, which hadn't done anything other than numb my tongue and she didn't even bother to find out if that had helped. With my pain level staying nice and high around an '8' both husband and I demanded further treatment, time and examination. There was discussion that it could potentially be my gallbladder, but a test revealed that was not a problem. They did finally give me a shot w/a nausea medication and some morphine which brought my pain level down to about a '4'. I could finally attempt to rest (not sleep, mind you, just rest) and went home with a new prescription for a more pregnancy-safe heartburn medicine.

I spent the next 4 days pretty much exhausted and passed out on the couch. I'm restricted to a bland, acid-free, fat-free diet which is making eating interesting. At this point I'm going to spend most of my paychecks at jamba juice. Getting this little nutrition doesn't lend itself to having much energy which comes at a super inoportune time because husband is gone all week at CHWC.

The good news? I finally landed an appointment w/a GI doctor for later in the month and husband will be home on Saturday AND I have taken next week off as my own little stay-cation. I know the girls will appreciate having both mommy and daddy home for an extended period of time and not be passed around between family members and babysitters. Although, I think we will be hiring a babysitter so that we can go catch Harry Potter one evening.

Life never slows down.

Leavin' on a jet plane

Tomorrow I leave for St. Paul, MN to attend the NACFLM conference.  I've never been given the opportunity to travel in this job, mostly because I've been pregnant a significant portion of the time I've worked here.  I'm especially thrilled for this opportunity because of an NFP pre-conference all-day workshop I'll be attending, along with a number of keynote speakers that will be speaking (particularly Christopher West!).  Not only is this my first time to travel for my job, its also my first time to leave the state since I became pregnant with my oldest kiddo.  

Needless to say, I'm a little nervous.

Leaving my kiddos  w/my husband is not the scary part.  Leaving my kiddos is the scary part.  I haven't been away from them for more than 2 nights in their entire lives.  I know it will be great.  I know that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I know that my plane won't crash...  but I can't help but be nervous about all of that.  

I booked into my trip nearly a full day with nothing to do, several stops are planned (including here and here).  We get to attend mass at the beautiful Cathedral one evening.  I know it will be great.  But... pray for me while I'm gone?  And... pray for my family while you're at it?

Success

My oldest kiddo made it through her surgery just fine!

Here she is waiting for them to take her back...

they were running early, so she was actually finished with surgery before it was even scheduled to begin. She was pretty cranky and out of it when we first got to go back to recovery to check on her. It was heartbreaking and at the same heartwarming to hear her crying all through the recovery area (she was way in the back) with the very nice Dr. Smith (the anesthesiologist) holding her and rocking her.

and here she is in the car on the way home...

by 10:30 in the morning she was running outside with her dad to see the trash man come and pick up our trash and she helped dad pull the trash can back up to the house. I'd say that's a pretty easy recovery!

Here's the sweet thing being treated to her second helping of ice cream for the day (chocolate with 'moshmewoes', otherwise known as rocky road)

I'd say it was an uneventful day aside from the fact that MY allegies are the devil and have taken over my poor head and body. I was seriously in bed by 7:30 last night, not to mention that I had about a 1 1/2 hour nap midday. I guess all of the lack of sleep from my heartburn was catching up with me.

Thank you God for a successful operation. Thank you for holding my baby in your sweet hands and keeping her safe.

With Faith Like A Sponge

I don't know about you, but the world these days has me concerned. Killing, immorality, financial crisis, violence, health woes... if you turn on the news, prepare to feel blue.

But the reality is that tragedy is nothing new to our world, and suffering is something that God knows all too well.

Statistics show (and prove time and time again) that in times of crisis, people turn MORE towards faith, particularly here in our nation whenver financial problems arise. I think it has something to do with realizing what's really important, digging in deep and letting go of what's unnecessary, and clinging to that which you know will ALWAYS provide (your faith).

As I was scrubbing out my coffee mug (a task that was particularly difficult b/c our office is out of dish soap and there isn't money to buy more, without someone buying it personally... which hasn't been done... yet) this morning, I looked at the sponge in my hands and realized that I have a habit of squeezing the sponge tight before I run it under the fauce to absorb the water. Humanity is a lot like this. Its when we are squeezed tight, reach a point of struggle that we are then able to absorb and fully appreciate and take in our faith. From there we can do God's will better.

Scripture is FULL of struggle, but a particular Psalm brings me a lot of comfort and hope...
1
1 2 For the leader; according to "The deer of the dawn." A psalm of David.
2
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my call for help, from my cries of anguish?
3
My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I have no relief.
4
Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the glory of Israel.
5
In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted and you rescued them.
6
To you they cried out and they escaped; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
7
3 But I am a worm, hardly human, scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
8
All who see me mock me; they curl their lips and jeer; they shake their heads at me:
9
"You relied on the LORD--let him deliver you; if he loves you, let him rescue you."
10
Yet you drew me forth from the womb, made me safe at my mother's breast.
11
Upon you I was thrust from the womb; since birth you are my God.
12
Do not stay far from me, for trouble is near, and there is no one to help.
13
4 Many bulls surround me; fierce bulls of Bashan encircle me.
14
They open their mouths against me, lions that rend and roar.
15
Like water my life drains away; all my bones grow soft. My heart has become like wax, it melts away within me.
16
5 As dry as a potsherd is my throat; my tongue sticks to my palate; you lay me in the dust of death.
17
Many dogs surround me; a pack of evildoers closes in on me. So wasted are my hands and feet
18
that I can count all my bones. They stare at me and gloat;
19
they divide my garments among them; for my clothing they cast lots.
20
But you, LORD, do not stay far off; my strength, come quickly to help me.
21
Deliver me from the sword, my forlorn life from the teeth of the dog.
22
Save me from the lion's mouth, my poor life from the horns of wild bulls.
23
6 Then I will proclaim your name to the assembly; in the community I will praise you:
24
"You who fear the LORD, give praise! All descendants of Jacob, give honor; show reverence, all descendants of Israel!
25
7 For God has not spurned or disdained the misery of this poor wretch, Did not turn away from me, but heard me when I cried out.
26
I will offer praise in the great assembly; my vows I will fulfill before those who fear him.
27
8 The poor will eat their fill; those who seek the LORD will offer praise. May your hearts enjoy life forever!"
28
All the ends of the earth will worship and turn to the LORD; All the families of nations will bow low before you.
29
For kingship belongs to the LORD, the ruler over the nations.
30
9 All who sleep in the earth will bow low before God; All who have gone down into the dust will kneel in homage.
31
And I will live for the LORD; my descendants will serve you.
32
The generation to come will be told of the Lord, that they may proclaim to a people yet unborn the deliverance you have brought.
(emphasis is mine)


This psalm is the one that Jesus quotes when He is on the cross. During this time of lent (and particularly when we read the story of the Passion at mass on Palm Sunday and Good Friday- ok I know its not 'mass' on Good Friday) hearing this psalm offers me reassurance. One part of me thinks, if this is where Jesus found His inspiration in the greatest time of trial and suffering, then it must have something to offer me. And this Psalm does give us many reassurances. But it continues to remind me of what is most important... to Cry out to God, to Seek refuge in God, to Proclaim God's greatness, and to have Faith in God's mercy and love.

If our God can be the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, what sacrifices do I need to make in my life, to be worthy of God's greatness? If I am to receive Jesus in the Sacraments, how should I prepare my heart, mind, and spirit for Him? And, as a community of faith, what is my responsibility to those around me?

He's closer than the air we breathe

Thought for the day:
God made a covenant with us. The word covenant means "coming together." God wants to come together with us. In many of the stories in the Hebrew Bible, we see that God appears as a God who defends us against our enemies, protects us against dangers, and guides us to freedom. God is God-for-us. When Jesus comes a new dimension of the covenant is revealed. In Jesus, God is born, grows to maturity, lives, suffers, and dies as we do. God is God-with-us. Finally, when Jesus leaves he promises the Holy Spirit. In the Holy Spirit, God reveals the full depth of the covenant. God wants to be as close to us as our breath. God wants to breathe in us, so that all we say, think and do is completely inspired by God. God is God-within-us. Thus God's covenant reveals to us to how much God loves us.

(this came to me in an email and I don't currently have a source, but so you know, its not mine)

Lent 2009

In Memory... on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade

http://www.catholicvote.com/

Please watch this video and thank your mom for giving you life!

Holiday Recap

Well, I took a short blogging break in order to make it through my time off... yup, my work (and husband's school) gave us 2 weeks off! Today's my first day back in the office. Boy is it hard to concentrate when your mind has basically been in free fall for 2 straight weeks....

so, here's a recap of our time:
23rd- got off at noon-ish and went shopping for the last minute stuff

24th- got up and went to my sister's house for Christmas w/her family and my mom & stepdad... the only picture i got was this: my mom opening the book that i got her (it's called 'my granny's purse' and it is TOO cute!)

left my sister's and drove to husband's home town for a little Christmas eve-ing at the in-laws (attn: booderbean's mom... your dad was great as santa yet again!), drove home that evening

santa came to our house too!

25th got up and did the presents and breakfast thing

(who's excited that santa brought her a new dora sippy cup in her stocking?)

(santa brought me my first sewing machine! ROCK!)

went to church

ate lunch at a flipping CHINESE RESTAURANT!!! (fa ra ra ra ra)
went to my dad's for more presents and dinner

26th went to oldest daughters godparents house for a little visiting... oldest daughter got some of her money out when we went to target that day and purchased a cake mix to make cupcakes for her godparents (isn't that the sweetest?)

27th went to a play place w/oldest daughter's godparents' grandchildren

28th went to my aunt's for a fierce game of dirty santa (i won an awesome coffee press!) and a fabulous gingerbread house decorating contest (for those of you looking for an activity for a post-christmas party, you can usually buy the kits for half off and they are quite a bit of fun... hopefully i'll have pictures of my team's winning house soon)

29th cleaned the house all the live long day so that husband's best friend from grade school could come down and stay with us

30th drove back to husband's home town for some delicious mexican food and some quality time w/friends and grandparents

31st youngest daughter came down w/ a nasty diaper rash and fever due to teething so we canceled our babysitter and our plans... had a somewhat quiet evening watching friend's son.

1st woohoo happy new year! friend's girlfriend got food poisoning. big fat bummer. avoid nachos at the cox convention center during flaming lips concert. went to church- feast of Mary the Mother of God (woot woot!!)

2nd got the girls out of the house so husband could get caught up on grading, then went out w/my mom and sister that evening and saw 7 pounds... it was FAB-U-LOUS!!!!

3rd husband decked our attic (or part of it) so that there is a GOOD (i.e. not the garage) place to store our christmas decorations, etc. went out w/husband that night at pf changs (at spicy sauce spilled all over my dress... booo! but cleaned it up pretty well) got free dinner, went to see 4 Christmases (pretty funny)

4th family slept in and we spent the day un-decorating (my house looks so bare!)

5th back here at work!

As we wait, I think of Mary

Charming, even if it is a little.... odd.

the reason for the season

this is one of those 'out of the mouths of babes' things, only its a nice little arrangement prepared by my 3 year old...

Explanation: on our entryway table, in the middle of our Advent wreath, sits a small antique nativity set. the baby Jesus doesn't make his appearance in the manger until Christmas day, and I think my daughter has taken notice that he is 'missing'. So, she did what all good preschoolers do- improvise. She found this little white heart-shaped rock to sit in the manger when she plays with the 'mommy and daddy' figurines. So sweet... here we wait for Love to be born.

Waiting on Waiting

In my faith tradition (do I need to tell you? its Catholic) we celbrate the season of Advent prior to Christmas. Advent is a time where we wait for the coming of the Lord, and a lot of people interpret that to mean waiting for His birth, but the greater reality (ok, Liturgically season-wise we are waiting for Christmas) is that we are waiting for the second coming. Now, if there's one thing that the Gospel according to Matthew teaches us, its this:

"Learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its branch becomes tender and sprouts leaves, you know that summer is near. In the same way, when you see all these things, know that he is near, at the gates.
Amen, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things have taken place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. "But of that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. For as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man." (Matthew 24:32-37, NAB)

All of that is to say that none of us know the time when Jesus will return to us, so as I was saying, in our tradition we dedicate an entire liturgical season (4 Sundays) to preparing ourselves for Christ's coming.

This year, I'm finding it more difficult to not just jump right into Christmas though. I mean, I can justify it by saying that w/ youngest daughter's birth so close to Christmas, and this year celebrating her first birthday, we just have so much to look forward to. Or, I can talk about how I ordered really cute stockings for our family last year from Pottery Barn, they have our names embroidered on them, and I cannot wait to hang them by our chimney with care (it doesn't hurt to add that I got them for 50% off the day after Christmas!). Or, I could mention how with our failing economy and stores wanting to tempt us so much into SHOPPING that I've been hit by the bug and have found/thought of so many cute things for gifts and decor this year that I can hardly contain myself. All of these our true.

But I need to get my heart in the right place. I need to be excited for Jesus. I need to focus myself spiritually so that I can grow closer to Him and I need to work harder at teaching my girls about this important aspect of our faith. I love the liturgical aspect of our faith. Its so thought out, so planned, it always feels so right. It never feels like we had a pastor who just threw together a couple of random readings for the weekend and then got up and preached about whatever was getting his goat for the week. There's purpose to what we do, to how we pray, and its always directed towards something greater than ourselves. Participating in the liturgy (as little as I sometimes feel like I'm actually participating, more feeling like I'm just trying to keep my kiddos quiet enough so others can not be bothered) makes me a part of something GREATER. Which is such a Good thing.