true colors

I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. It seems that for better or for worse, the holidays are the one time that you can count on your loved ones to show their true colors, and this has been true once again this year. Having family members with issues, family members who have overcome hardship, family members who struggle with mental illness... well.... add that all up, shake it up like a snow globe and wait to see how everything shakes out, know what I mean?

The hardest thing for me on the holidays stems from being a child of divorce. My parents didn't split up until I was 17, so for 17 years I grew up with one sense of normal... then my world was ripped apart and I had to muddle through what a new normal was going to be. The problem is that all of that came right as I was getting ready to head off to college and not actually have to live it on a day to day basis. The holidays were the biggest chunk of time that I actually went home, and bouncing between my parents was less about establishing a new tradition for myself and more of just taking the chance to see my parents for a bit, albeit individually.

Since husband and I got married, we've muddled through the holidays and making plans for them has always been tedious at best. Some of the worst fights we've ever had have happened in the middle of carrides between family members, trying to cram in seeing everyone all on December 25. Talk about the reason for the season. We have at least managed to limit ourselves to seeing one set of family members on any particular day and we do manage to make this work pretty well. Becoming parents has stirred the pot a bit with all of this, because everyone wants to be the one to get THE day. While everyone WANTS to be THE one, the way they all address that issue comes across differently. I will say that none of our parents have managed to handle it perfectly all the time, but we are especially grateful for those who acknowledge how hard the bouncing around can be and usually say "we'll see you when we see you". Husband and I had a big talk once where he pointed out that that attitude is really the one that our parents OWE us, having put us through the pressure and stress of splitting up and therefore forcing us to split our focus when seeing family. I had never really thought of it that way, and I certainly very rarely take a perspective of anyone owing me anything... however.........

Today our state is facing an enormous ice & snow storm, and our plans to go out of town to see some of husband's family are being postponed. The hardest part about that fact is that whenever we do reschedule, not all of the family members who are there today will be there when we go up. We will get to see the 'major players' but some aunts, uncles and cousins won't be around. Certainly not what we planned or what we want, but for a state that has had only 12 white Christmases since 1908, and it being Christmas eve w/BLIZZARD conditions, we have to make do with the hand we've been dealt. While my husband's heart is especially heavy in missing out on his family's annual Christmas Eve party (complete with a visit from Santa his own self), there really is no way we could safely navigate our way up. That doesn't stop certain family members from lying on the pressure to visit (don't get me wrong, many of them have called to say STAY HOME) or (even worse) assure us that the roads aren't bad and that we'll be able to make it just fine (insert eye roll here). Talk about true colors.

But, I guess that is what family is all about. You get all kinds of characters, and you love all of them, even the ones you don't like very much. Heck, even Mary had to hop on the back of a donkey while she was 9 months pregnant to make her way to Joseph's home town for some silly census nonsense and wound up stuck giving birth on the floor of a stinking stable. Which brings me once again to one of my favorite Christmas songs, and what I feel really puts me in touch with the true spirit of the season.

Enjoy... and Merry Christmas.

back to sick...

We were doing SO well... we're one week away from oldest daughter and husband being out of school for the year. Getting to that point... that goal... it meant having just enough sick leave saved up for maternity leave... it meant not needing to take any more time off of work this calendar year... it meant not spending more money on co-pays, prescriptions, pedialite, and ramen... it meant we were all well and despite anything else that could have been going wrong in our lives, we had our health which is the most important thing...

... but little one woke up this morning and threw up. Immediately she was fine, running around playing with her sister and her cousin and not having a care in the world. I THOUGHT it might have been a fluke... unfortunately it wasn't. After lunch and during the afternoon nap whatever is ailing her decided to hit her hard. A fever all afternoon and she has thrown up more times than I can count now. There's an odd disturbance that comes with having a sick kiddo... the cuteness (not sure what else to call it) of their sick weak voice and their desire for cuddles, the helplessness as they need you to help with everything (whether it's changing them, getting them a drink, or literally helping through the act of throwing up), the weakness of their bodies, the heat a fever generates... it's enough to make a mommy weary. I was asked if I was going to take her to the doctor. My response was, "for what? a fever and some throwing up that has been going on for 12 hours?". I'm not sure when parents started taking their kiddos in to the pediatrician for every sniffle, and I hope I'm not jinxing anything by saying (writing)this, but I think we can tough out a little tummy bug without having it diagnosed as such by our pediatrician for a $25 copay (not that I'm complaining... about my access to health insurance OR our WONDERFUL pediatrician). I just hate for her sake that she's sick again and I hate the un-planned pause our lives are forced to take when we go through something like this.

I hope tonight boasts a miraculous recovery.

Holy H2O

Husband and I have been through a lot lately, and our finances are struggling to stay caught up with the chaos. Above all of this, we are grasping desperately to a strong desire to recognize how much God has given us and to remember that we are called to give back, not from what is left over, but straight off of the top. The way that we have chosen to do this is to give 5% of our take home pay to our parish and 5% to other charities. Those charities vary each pay period, and after he gets up from the nap he is taking, I'm going to talk to him about this being our next charity. There is just no reason, with all that is good and wonderful and advanced in our world that a child could die from not having access to clean water. Talk about the simplest of necessities. So, wherever you stand on tithing, whatever your financial resources, please consider following the link below and considering a gift to children who have the simplest of needs... thank you.

http://water4christmas.com/

oh yes i am...

3 guess who won 2 free tickets to the upcoming Billy Joel & Elton John concert.....

Seen & Not Heard?

My venting on this topic might go on for a bit, so if it is annoying you, please feel free to get on my case about it or ignore it... either way really does not bother me....

I'm thinking about that whole idea that children should be 'seen and not heard'... I'm thinking about it in a historical context that my experience can date back to my grandparents' generation. I'm certain my parents were raised with that mentality (lest grandpa make them go out and 'pick a switch'... no lie). In turn, my parents' generation raised their children in more of a 'live and let live' kind of world. I think my generation was the beginning of the 'raised with privilege' and 'everyone gets a trophy' and 'who cares about appropriateness, let the child EXPRESS him/her self' kind of world... in other words... spoiled.

I was one of the 'poor kids' growing up. At least, in my world I was a poor kid. I went to private school for 7 years and had to buy most of my clothes at Target and shoes from Payless. Occasionally we even shopped second hand! I didn't have a seperate playroom in my house, and I was 13 before I had my own tv (a black & white handmedown from my grandparents!!!!). We only went out to dinner once a week. I took tap lessons for one year and since my black tap shoes that my dad found at a garage sale were not the right color for our recital, my dad spray painted them white. Yup... we were POOR (she says in TOTAL jest).

Ya know what... growing up 'poor' brought a lot of perspective, as has my background in ministry. As Americans (oh how I could go on forever) we don't know the first thing about poor. I don't think I know a single person who has ever dug through trash for food. In fact, I don't know anyone who goes without 3 meals a day (even if those meals were bought with foodstamps, WIC, or other charitable means).

The gift of my children is such a tremendous blessing, and raising my children in a balance between 'seen and not heard' and 'spoiled' seems like the right way to go. I don't spank my children, but I also don't let them get away with murder. My girls have an entire bedroom full of (new)toys and closets that are filled mostly with handmedown clothes.

I heard a story once about an American bishop going to Africa and celebrating mass outdoors. He was struck with awe over how quiet and well-behaved the children were a strong contrast to the noisiness of his urban cathedral back in the states. Speaking to his brother bishop about it after mass he wondered at how families in Africa were able to raise their chidlren with so much respect and discipline while attending a long, hot Sunday mass. The African bishop replied that the children were so quiet because they had no energy because they were hungry.

Do those who attend mass and look down their noses at noisy kiddos not understand this concept? Have they never been a parent and don't know what a struggle it is just to find that delicate balance between squelching their curiousity and teaching them reverence? Or have they forgotten? Or was it beaten into them and they accept that as normal?

I make no claims at being perfect in any way, least of all in my parenting skills, but I AM trying. I don't judge, but I see a lot of others who don't try at all. Do my efforts count for anything? Is it fair to preach about how sinful it is, and a bad example to one's children, to skip Sunday mass, but then at the same time make those parents feel completely unwelcome in the parish... rather it isn't the parents who are unwelcome, just their kids.

mildly disheartened

Just have to put this vent out to the world... need to let it sit out there and be my 'silent voice' as it were...

Fake people drive me crazy. As an introvert, I do a lot of sitting back and observing... and when you keep your eyes and ears open and mouth shut, there are plenty of opportunities to pick up on two-facedness, shmoozing, charlatan-like behavior. There is a person in my life who seems to personify this lately. A person whose role is supposed to be 180* in the opposite direction. I'm not sure what insecurities lie beneath to make someone choose the fake over the real, I go back and forth wondering if it even matters. To be a learned person, to be a public figure, to represent yourself as a holy person but at the same time to live a life of greed, arrogance, and belittling... is there really any excuse that makes up for that? Some more patient, more understanding than me may try to say this person is "only human", but the blatant inconsistencies between how a person "presents" him/herself to the greater community and how a person individually criticizes and makes others feel unwelcome is not acceptable.

Maybe this is generally the response of a mother wanting to protect her family, guard her cubs if it were. I'm not sure. What I do know is that I am proud of my beautiful family and grateful for God's blessing on us. There isn't much I can do about this person, other than pray I guess. Why doesn't that feel like enough?

4

Today, my oldest turns 4. This one feels especially significant for me, and the only reason I can think to explain it is that my 4th birthday is the first one I really remember. There's a sense within me as a parent that if I know I have memories, clear specific memories, going back to that age, then my kiddo can too. And that reflects on the intentionality in my parenting. Not that I'm not already intentional, just that... I hope I'm not screwing up too much.

But enough about me...

a few pictures of my beautiful girl...